Day 30

So, here I am at the end of the month. I could talk about my regrets and all I haven't done that I wanted to do, but that's not helpful, now is it?
What I can talk about is a HUGE success for today! I didn't get the office cleaned out before Ross got home. Once we finally got the kids in bed we were talking about what he knew he needed to do to work on the family room, but that he didn't really want to do it. So I said, "Well, come here and help me out for a minute." I had the intention of doing no more than have him get me started on taking care of the blankets and books off the bookshelf like we had talked about. But, of course, and thankfully, we both just kept going! I sit in a newly arranged, clean office! And best of all, the treadmill is in here too! It's out of my bedroom. Everything fit better than we expected and I am thrilled about that. True that I have to actually use the treadmill now, but the fact that I can use it is enormous!
Tomorrow is the start of a new month and I am optimistic, especially after the success of tonight. It's after midnight now so I need to finally get to bed, but I'm a happy woman as I head for sleep.

Day 29

I talked to Ross today about rearranging the office. I know I keep talking about cleaning it getting it ready to do that, but I hadn't actually spoken to my husband about it until tonight. I think I've been a little afraid he'd just say there was NO way we could successfully rearrange in her because the space is so small. However, he was up for it and I'm am going to clear out and clean up what I can so we can get this place set up and get the treadmill out of the walkway in my bedroom!
I had a couple of good chats with my sister today. It's great to be at a stage where we're truly close. Our age difference has always been enough that we have been in different places most of our lives. We still are in many ways, but the married with kids thing is the same and its great to pick up the phone and chat. Love that Wendy.
We are also helping each other feel better about what we do as moms. We found out we'd read the same article in the Ensign talking about the lies that Satan has us believe about ourselves and the truths from the gospel that we need to replace them with. Good to hear.

Day 28...and Day 27

I remembered in bed last night that I hadn't written anything for today. Oh well. Yesterday was fine. I fasted, went to church, slept most of the afternoon because I was sick and loaded the dishwasher at the end of the day. Hooray me.
Today was okay. I'm not loving my moods lately. Beating up on myself is not fun and I'm tired of the adversary working so hard on me. However, the Lord is always mindful of what we need and it just happened that the Family Home Evening lesson out of our little book for week 39 was on GRATITUDE. So you know what happened next. I started remembering and realizing all the things I've been blessed with and even pulled out the hymn book and made Ross sing "Count Your Blessings" to the kids. He did the first verse with me and I kept going through the rest. Samantha helped me a little. It's good to acknowledge what we have instead of getting down about all that we lack. Not just physically, but in all areas of life. I'm going to remember that when the next "down and out" mood shows its face.

Day 26

Sneaking up on a month of this blog. I can't say that I've improved by leaps and bounds, but again, at least I'm keeping tabs on myself no matter what.
Ross and my dad worked on the family room today. It is now a lovely shade of blue. (Silver Dusk is the name. Not sure who comes up with paint names...) I took the kids out to my mom's house and did laundry and folded some clothes. It was busy and crazy and we were there all day, but it was good to get the room worked on. Sad that I missed out on the Relief Society dinner and broadcast. The broadcast was on at my parents' house, but the kids were noisy and we were getting dinner, so I only got a little out of it.
We're fasting tomorrow as a family that money will come in to pay off the guy my dad bought lots of land from (including our family transfer land) and so my goal is to do a good job on fasting.

Day 25

Fun times. Nervous breakdown all over the place while I was on the phone with my mother. I guess I probably needed it and I always hope that somehow getting it all out will help me push forward and not stay in the same place that caused me to fall apart.
I don't feel like a good wife or mother in the taking care of everyone department. I feel like I do the bare minimum and that's it. I'm struggling as usual. Of course my mom is ready and willing to help me figure a few things out now and I really hope I can take her up on that in the right way.

Day 24

Today was a different kind of day just because I went to a funeral. Again. This is the third one in about a month and a half. Today was harder because the young man was so...young. So I was up and dressed (after admittedly sleeping in until 7:30) and out of the house by 9:30. Clothes on and make-up and hair done early are always a good thing for me even if I have a specific reason for it. I'd like to be doing that every day, but hasn't happened so far.
Ross pulled the big wardrobe out of the storage room today allowing me to get some boxes of clothes out for Rebecca. It also will allow me to put some extra boxes in there. You know, boxes from the office that I've been talking about getting cleaned out for a while now? Progress, Janet, progress. It would be good if it could happen on a bigger scale. But I'll take what I can get. Pbbbbbbbbbllllllllllltttthhhhh. :o)

Day 23

Crazy that I had 6 kids here, all ages 5 and under, for 2 1/2 hours and I actually got come cleaning done! I decided it was because they all had someone to play with. Nothing is done still, but I did clean and that's good.
My problem is still feeling too lazy to want to really do anything productive if I don't have to. It's frustrating and pathetic. I'd rather snooze on the couch or read a book or mindlessly surf the web. I'm beating up on myself somewhat, I realize, but the need for change is still so THERE.
I talked to Ross again tonight about purchasing the stuff of FlyLady. He's for it, but I'm going to wait a few days to make sure we have money to cover it. Not that I think we don't, but it would be nice to have a little more padding in the account than there currently is. Look forward to having the stuff and pray that I put it to good use!